This is a Letters to my Former Single Self Linkup Post. I am not 100% sure what a Linkup is yet, but check this out, because its funny and my learning process was mortifying, but surprisingly upbeat.
Yo girl,
Take a good look at that kid with the tender heart and kindness in her eyes. Sweet bomber jacket by the way and demerits to Lindy (that is what you call your mother now) for not panning out on the shot. Before I get into the nitty gritty, I want to let you know [*spoiler alert*] that you see relationships today, the same way the girl holding the bird does; with care, a bit of trepidation and an open heart. I still tend to watch, where another kid might pet or strangle, depending on their neurosis and I have a somewhat subdued diligence.
Remember that boy who tried to kiss you on the camp bus and you were so horrified that you wept openly until your dad had to physically carry you off? That won't be the last time you get carried out of somewhere; that won't be the last time a kiss horrifies you; and it certainly won't be the last time you weep openly on a bus.
Please stop referring to the 1988 love letter incident as a turning point in your life and remember these lessons. (1) There is no need to read your love letters to your parents for editorial feedback; (2) If you write it on "Amanda the Panda" stationary, he obvi won't see you as the sophisticated woman you are; and (3) Never let a scorned lover choke you for your Mott's juice box. That shit is full of essential nutrients and violence is never the answer.
So...the beat goes on da da dum da dum da da (yeah Em, I went there) and you have been informed by a random lottery of meaningless tragedies and a series of near escapes. You were kind of a strange kid and really liked hide and seek. Do not ignore this penchant in your dating patterns. Seriously, you left a boyfriend after two years by abruptly moving out of the country and then had the nerve to be not-so-secretly disappointed that he didn't pine after you for the next fifteen months? Listen up and listen closely. Date someone who likes music, not a musician; if you leave the country to get away from them, its not working; Don't re-return and don't re-repeat. That is not you showing that you cannot be smoted, that is you acting ridiculous. The following people are not real: Trent Lane, Troy Dyer, Jordan Catalano, Shawn Hunter, Dylan McKay, you get the point. Also, most of the time, age does matter (in both directions) do not be fooled by French cinema; Do not get involved with authority figures (read: bosses or professors), that is an urban myth not real life; If you dated when you were 12, that does not mean you are compatible at 24 or 27; When a relationship ends there is always a clear winner and a clear loser, try not to belabor the times you believe you are the latter; and above all deactivate, delete, and de-friend.
Most of all though, look at those two kid-slash-adults up there? They seem pretty happy don't they? In the tone of Elle Woods, unhappy people don't just go around throwing confetti, do they? No, they don't.
-A
