this won't take long, we talk fast.

It is 10:45 and I have already been to the dry cleaners, up to the MET, down to Meme's on Great Jones, (rev your engines for menswear), popped by Bond No. 9  to buy a gift for one of my oldest pals and headed back uptown to finally ::gasp:: get to work.  I am the opening scene of a romantic comedy.

Like I was saying, I have lived in New York my whole life, but I still enjoy the bloggers out there doing their Carrie Bradshaw thing, because everyone has their own New York and everyone sees her differently.  This is how my New York looks today:

This is where the magic happens.  

Dear NYC, That is excessive signage.  Thanks, The MGMT.

#OOTD #WIWT #FollowMe

young hearts, run free.

beans 4 beans, will travel.  that sounds like a craigslist personal.

that is a birds eye view.

whoa, nailed it!

Baudelaire said that "a sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle"  

Ignoring that completely, the immigrant is a groovy little spot.

There is a moose in my gracious drawing room. #richpeopleproblems

DVR, you're my main hang.

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Anyone who is anyone knows that the internet buzz around Lena Dunham and her band of merry pranksters is off the charts.  For what reason? I don't know but here are ten reasons why HBO's Girls is pretty amaze:

1. Each character is an accurate depiction of the post-collegiate swine flu of self-loathing, over confidence, misery, freedom and narcissism.  Hannah tells it like it is: "I'm scared, OK. I'm scared all the time. I'm, like, very scared all the time” but also dances like a wild banshee.   Jessa married a douche-bag because the sad friend from 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days' held a mirror up to her life.  Shosh had a crack-cident because she didn't know what else to do at a party alone.  Marni can’t make it through a male-female interaction without cringing (Charlie), masturbating (Art Guy) or hitting (Elij).
2. The line between notebook and journal is officially and emphatically drawn.
3. Adam has a serious condition called Asperger’s but we pretend he is just mildly psychotic and misunderstood. 
4.  Elijah and Hannah.  See: That girl wears floral capris like her hymen's still intact, but she's such a slut in such a big way,” Hannah says. “In a huge way,” Elijah confirms. 
5. If Shosh ever leaves the show, my oldest friend from nursery school can easily be her replacement.
6. Legitimate discussions about sex:  “Sex from behind is degrading. point blank. You deserve someone who wants to look in your beautiful face, ladies,” Shoshanna reads from an advice book, only to have Jessa snap at her “What if I want to focus on something else? What if I want feel like I have udders?"
7. Realistic, if not vaguely discouraging view on communication.  “The totem of chat. The lowest, that would be Facebook  followed by Gchat, then texting, then email, then phone. Face to face would be ideal, but it’s not of this time.”  
8. Your best friend from college might not be your best friend for life.  That’s a tough pill to swallow.  e.g. "Obviously we're a little less close.  We're no less close than that."
9. Critics have said the show is “trying to be edgy and cool but coming off gratuitous and embarrassing.”  I would love to meet someone who was not exactly that at age 20-something.  Seriously, email me at sayhellotomylittleblog@gmail.com and tell me all about it. 
10. HBO's Girls is not an escape from reality like its geriatric cousin (SATC).  It depicts a realistic present, but we get to watch all the mortifying stuff happen to someone else which is why it is delicious.

wintery mix.

do you know what a 'wintery mix' is?  its grotesque, that's what.  but that doesn't stop me from drinking sangria and reading porn to the blind, mainly just the first.  that's a joke, relaxi-taxi.  get it? i'm in a cab, like right now.  gosh, the internet just really doesn't get me.

fortunately, when i arrive to where i am going there will be a lot of alcohol.

(e.g. the cab isn't going backward, i'm just considering whether it might be)

what is a time-space continuum she wondered, shortly after calculating her WW points

(yup, im having that extra pitcher of 'gria)

how embarrassing, they hired us both.  

the call sheet merely said: "gratuitousness" 

so you can understand our facial expression.

Oh, so that fake advert above wasn't the most embarrassing thing I posted today.  Kudos me.

seriously, how did my legs get there, that's ridiculous.

navy velvet beret, mr. john jr. (thrifted) // navy blazer, nanette lapore (bloomingdales) // aztec skirt, urban outfitters (a million years ago) // pussy bow button down, marc jacobs (also a million years ago) // navy tights, simply vera (vera wang for kohls) // navy wedge sneaks, isabel toledo (payless) 

tuesdays with new york.

there's a guy named bill waterson.  

hes the calvin and hobbes cartoonist and when i googled gray weather, this quote came up: 

“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”  

truth.

sepia makes you look smart.  i like her, she looks smart.

i'm reading an old leica camera manual and staring into the distance.

more gray.  new york, you're getting very predictable and i am losing interest.

that's lace and velvet and suede and wood beads. nothing exceeds quite as excess does.

why does this woman have no head?  having a head is so 2012.

 

watch me get focus and then get out of focus.

see, i told you what would happen and it did. made you look.

 william 'd-fens' foster.

who invented the trapeze dress?  its like a bridesmaids dress bodily torture that i wear by choice.  idiot.

i dropped the book into the river, oh well. end scene.

black suede booties, white mtn. (thrifted) // black tights, simly vera (kohls) // beige lace dress, milly // gold tapestry coat, fine & dandy (etsy) // necklaces, various (thrifted)

stay classy upper east siders.

my really good friend kristen bell was paid as a voice-over specialist  on  a small show about my 'nabe.  i'm sure you haven't heard of it so i shall provide direct quotations where sentiment would suffice.  speaking for gossip girl his damn self (dan) ((lame)), (s)he narrates, "on the Upper East Side, you may stand down but you can never give up. And the bitterest feuds are always labors of love."  and other than wealth what do we love here on the ues?  real estate!  hello, seas 3, ep 20, "they say love makes a family. But on the Upper East Side, everyone knows it's real estate."  never a truer word spoken lonely boy.   as i was saying, real estate is an aphrodisiac like making money, getting shit-faced and only dating men who summer elsewhere.  (dont believe me? call dorians, say a SLU alum sent you).  anyway, gossip girl is just a TV show, i (begrudgingly) live here and i totally only do the first two and half of the second.  eye rolls for the montauk set.  ladies and gents, be the rule, not the exception.  never the less, its true, i barreled out of bed this morning to get my beloved real estate section from the weekender delivery.  how blissfully fortunate, today's feature is about us, us, us, not them, them, them.  so like i said, i woefully packed my steamer trunks two years ago and moved up here.  and to add insult to injury, i don't even regret it! (how common, how very very common) in fact, i'm now a member of the community board and do genuinely appreciate the sanctity of the ues edifice.  and its totally fine that the world keeps throwing up these glass and steel pre-fabs (college grads from NJ need somewhere to live), but lets leave that south of the 60's please.  i dig my brick and mortar but above all, i like room dimensions pre-war and my moldings crowned.  this is the maid speaking by the way.